6 Tips For Singles Who Desire Marriage

You Don’t Have to be Married to be Valuable

Being single does not make you a lesser person than someone who is married. You are not of lesser quality, of lesser importance nor of lesser value to society and to God. You have intrinsic value, a value that goes far beyond having more free time to volunteer.

Most of the single people I know are intelligent, personable, and reasonably attractive. A lot of single people I know excel at and advance in their career. Many single persons lead very satisfying and fulfilling lives. For many, money is not an issue. The things that most people rely on a wife or husband to do they have found a way to have them done or to do them themselves. Yet many of you, despite your accomplishments and your hard-won independence, have a nagging desire.

That Nagging Desire

Despite being successfully single, well adjusted, and generally satisfied with life, you still desire someone with whom you can enjoy intimacy. And, if you are like many of us, who’s libido rarely takes a day off, that particularly includes physical intimacy.

For those of you who have that desire, I’m going to go out on a limb and say that God has probably not called you to a life of celibacy. Now, if He has indeed called you to remain single so that you can better fulfill His mission for your life, He will give you grace to overcome those urges. But, I would dare to say that you are in the minority. It is for the rest of you, the majority, those of you who desire marriage, that I post these tips.

If You Desire Marriage
Thrive As a Single

I began this post addressing those of you who are thriving as singles. You have a headstart on everyone else. The fist thing to do to give yourself a good shot at a great marriage is to learn to thrive as a single. If the things I wrote about earlier do not describe you, job one is to figure out how to get there.

If you desire marriage, a really good marriage, it should be a desire, not a need, because the best shot at a good marriage is two people who are independent and emotionally healthy. So, work to get to a place of emotional and financial independence.

You should also, read books. Attend classes and seminars. Watch videos. Learn about finances and relationships. Learn to thrive as a single and don’t settle for anyone who is not thriving as a single. That greatly increases your odds of a good marriage.

If You Desire Marriage
Stay Pure

One important thing I would advise is to stay pure, in thought and in deed. God demands it. It is 100% effective in preventing STDs and pregnancy. And, when you think it through, there actually is no downside to purity at all.

What kind of spouse do you desire – one with lots of experience? Or, one who kept themselves pure? As Andy Stanley points out in his video series “The New Rules of Love, Sex, and Dating”, at some point you will be interested in someone. There will be a time when you sit down with that person and you will tell each other your stories. What story do you want to tell? What story do you want to hear? Instead of a story of sexual escapades and pornography, make it your mission to have a story of purity and saving yourself for your future spouse.

If You Desire Marriage
Stay Patient

Good things are worth waiting for. There were times when I thought that God had forgotten about me. It seemed like everyone else easily found someone and got married. I felt discarded, like use tea bags, used up and of no more value. The truth is that God is working behind the scenes on both you and your future spouse. Sometimes He has a lot to get done before He can unleash you on each other.

There is something about delayed gratification that makes it all the sweeter when the desire is finally realized. If I had known how good a thing God had in store for me down the line, it would have been much easier to get through the waiting years. But I guess that is where faith comes in. I should have been more patient and trusted Him more in the meantime.

If You Desire Marriage
Spend Your Time Becoming

Many singles waste a lot of time chasing and worrying, time that would be better spent growing and becoming. This is your time to grow, learn, and mature into the person you need to be. Great marriages do not just happen. If that is your desire, start working toward that now by learning and growing all you can while you are single.

What kind of spouse do you desire? Hard working? Patient? Loving? In good physical condition? Attractive? Spiritual? Godly? Good with money? Sexually pure? Okay, what kind of spouse do you suppose they desire? You should probably spend your time becoming that kind of person. Perhaps there are areas in your life you need to work on to be more attractive to the kind of person you want to marry.

If You Desire Marriage
Get in Position

As I wrote about in the blog post “How to Go on More Dates”, sitting home alone waiting for your phone to ring is not a good way to meet people. You need to be a bit more proactive and spend time at the sorts of places where people who are interested in what interests you gather. That is not to say that you become consumed with the pursuit, but you do need to be a little more intentional.

There is nothing at all wrong with looking for a spouse. Now, Tony Evans, who we really like, did make a great point when he said to not spend your time and effort seeking a spouse but to instead spend it seeking The Lord – because He knows where your spouse is. I agree with that to a large degree; however, I find that a lot of people take that a little too far and use that as an excuse to never get out and meet people. Therefore, they never grow as a person or get into position to meet someone.

I believe Pastor Evan’s teaching on that speaks more to priorities, you know, seek first The Kingdom, than to methodologies. Can God bring someone to you in the most remote, backward, one-horse town? Absolutely, but I find that He more often launches us out on a sacred journey, a quest if you will, so that we can grow and become what we need to be, to be ready to create a strong marriage. I’m not saying go desperately seeking, I’m just saying be in position.

If You Desire Marriage
Know Your Value

Marriage does not raise your value one iota. Know that you are already valuable and that you are a prize worth pursuing. Do not settle out of desperation or loneliness. Make your life so good that you will not allow just any potential suitor to join in it with you. Only consider marriage if you find someone who can see your true beauty and your value.

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So, do you see yourself as staying celibate or is marriage what you truly desire? Let’s talk about it in the comments below or on Facebook or Twitter. As always, please give this a like if you found it helpful, and be a blessing to other singles you know – pass it on.

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