Hate being single? Can’t wait to be happily married? Now is the time to be happily single. Yes, it is possible. Here are some ways to get there.
There is something counterintuitive about happiness. If we chase after pleasure and happiness, they usually elude us. And, even when we do find them, after a while they lose their luster and meaning.
On the other hand, if we concentrate on doing the next right thing, seek the good of others, and better ourselves mentally, spiritually, and physically, happiness finds us. And, life becomes happier and more meaningful as time goes on.
I recently ran across an interview of Rabbi Evan Moffic, the author of ‘The Happiness Prayer’. A lot of what he said resonated with me. One statement, in particular, leaped out.
“Happiness is a byproduct of a life well-lived”
-Rabbi Evan Moffic
Don’t seek happiness. Seek to live life well. Happiness Is a byproduct of that. So, to be happily single, live well.
Don’t Take Facebook at Face Value
Want to be happy? Don’t take Facebook at face value. People are not always as successful and happy as they look on Facebook. Facebook is not real life. It’s more of a highlight reel. You see a carefully curated collection of the best moments in people’s lives. It’s sort of like a well-produced trailer for a mediocre movie.
If you look at Facebook and find yourself feeling worthless or depressed, realize that the smiling people in those pictures and videos have issues too. They don’t look like that all the time. Trust me on this. Their lives are no more perfect than yours.
So, to be happily single, turn off social media for a while and go do something that is meaningful to you. Go make some memories of your own.
Develop Quality Friendships
One of the biggest markers of longevity and emotional health is how much time you spend socializing with friends. Recent studies have shown that this improves your health as much as quitting smoking. People who spend time with good friends live longer, healthier, and happier lives.
Remember, you tend to become like the people you hang out with, so pick your friends carefully. If you want to be happily single, develop friendships, real friendships, not just social media friendships, with lots of positive, happy people.
Realize Marriage Won’t Make You Happy
This is perhaps the worst fallacy that single people fall for. Getting married will not make you happy. Living together will not make you happy. No kind of relationship with any kind of significant other will make you happy. In fact, you must become happily single first, then you have a legitimate shot at being happily married.
If you are unhappy while you are single, you will be unhappy in a relationship. The truth is that the only relationship that can make you happy is being in right relationship with your Creator. No human being can make you happy.
Be True to Your Values
Another trap that too many singles fall into is believing that if they change who they are they will find love and happiness. Now, there may be things about you that you need to change to become a more attractive you. But, those changes should stem from the intrinsic motive of wanting to better yourself. They should not be made to please or impress someone else.
Changing to make yourself more acceptable to someone is a fool’s errand. It is a slippery slope with no end. You will end up perpetually changing things about yourself to satisfy the whims of some jerk.
On the other hand, standing up for what you believe and living out your morals and values will be attractive to the right kinds of people. It will make you stronger, more attractive, and, in the end, happier. That’s how you build a strong, satisfying relationship, you build it on honesty. You build it on a mutual appreciation of each other for who you are at your cores.
So, to be happily single, and give yourself the best shot at being happily married, be true to your morals and values.
Treat People Well
There is such a thing as sowing and reaping.
If you treat people badly in pursuit of your own happiness, it will eventually come back to you in the form of your own misery. I purposely used the word misery there because there is some linguistic evidence that the words miser, misery, and miserable stem from the same root. I believe it is the case that a person who is a miser will end up in misery.
On the other hand, if you treat people well, that too will eventually come back to you. Just as there is misery in holding back, there is happiness in giving.
You have the power to brighten someone’s day by the way you treat them. Give kind words and affirmation. Give deference to those around you. Greet the greeter. Compliment the cashier.
Not having a lot of money is no excuse. Smiles, greetings, and compliments cost you nothing to give but have great power to do good. Plus, you’ll be amazed how good it makes you feel. So, to be happily single, treat people well.
Find Joy in the Journey
Here are two quotes I really like:
“Happiness cannot be traveled to, owned, earned, worn or consumed. Happiness is the spiritual experience of living every minute with love, grace, and gratitude.”
“Happiness is not a station you arrive at, but a manner of traveling.”
-Margaret Lee Runbeck
People love to pin their hopes of happiness on someday, someone, or something. Don’t put off happiness until that magical day, thing, or person comes along. Be happily single. Decide to be happy here and now, not in a destination, but in the journey.
To be happily single:
- Live Well
- Don’t Take Facebook at Face Value
- Develop Quality Friendships
- Realize Marriage Doesn’t Make You Happy
- Be True to Your Values
- Treat People Well
- Find Joy in the Journey
Be happy. Thrive On!
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