How to Go On More Dates

How long has it been since you’ve had a really good date? A bad date? Any date at all? Want to go on more dates? These four things will help.

Step One:
Get Your Mind Right

The first step to going on more dates is to get your mind right about dating and about yourself. Quality input from excellent books and carefully chosen mentors is a must. During my many single years, I read a lot of books. While reading books didn’t lead directly to more dates, I think it did indirectly.

Let me explain. Sitting alone in your pajamas reading romance novels will not help. That will only lead to totally unrealistic expectations which will inevitably lead to more frustration. Consuming a healthy dose of high-quality self-help, relationship, and singles issues books will lead to a proper view of yourself, others, and the dating process. Today, I would also add blogs, audiobooks, and podcasts, but only carefully chosen ones that inspire and challenge you to be the best you you can be. The you that is SO datable.

Step Two:
Be Attractive

This is important because one key to going on more dates is to be an awesome person. It seems kind of obvious, but most folks prefer to spend time with people who have a positive outlook, are good-natured, are emotionally healthy, have a nice sense of humor, are well-groomed, are tastefully attired, and are overall pleasant to be around. Be that person.

An added benefit to consuming quality content is it helps you become not only more knowledgeable and healthy, but more interesting as well. Interesting people are more attractive, more fun to be around. The more interests you have, the more interesting you become. So, besides reading about self-help and dating advice, read about a wide range of interesting topics. And don’t just read, get out and try new and different things. More life experiences add more layers of interest.

Learning how to be attractive is worth the effort you put into it. I will have more posts on that subject soon. It’s too important and too big of a topic to fully cover right here. For now, suffice it to say, to get more dates, be the most attractive you you can be. That includes your emotions, your attitudes, and your physical appearance.

Step Three:
Get in Position

Okay, so you are very attractive, have your mind right, and are emotionally and spiritually healthy. Why are you sitting home alone? The third step to going on more dates is putting yourself in position to find dates.

What are you interested in? Where do people who are interested in that hang out? Coffee shops? The library? Photography classes? Bowling alleys? Gun ranges? Dive shops? Church? Go there – regularly.

Let me say a few words specifically about churches. Some people believe that it is unspiritual to visit other churches to check out the singles there. I disagree. Yes, you should be planted in your local church. However, there is nothing wrong with visiting other churches from time to time, especially if they have an active singles group. It is no guarantee, but you are much more likely to find someone datable and marriageable in a church than in a bar room.

That is not to say that you go on the hunt like a lion stalking a gazelle. You just purposely put yourself in a position where things could happen. Sitting alone in your home is usually not the best option for finding a date – unless you are interested in that cute pizza delivery guy. In which case sitting home ordering pizzas might be exactly the right thing to do. You’ll get to meet him a few times and he’ll be better off financially – if you are a good tipper.

What about online dating?

I am not opposed to online dating – if you are healthy and mature enough to deal with it. Not everyone is. It is best to consider it a supplement for a small pool of prospects locally. In other words, don’t use it as a crutch because you are too afraid to go have a conversation with a real live person. It should be an enhancement for reality, not a replacement reality.

One key to success there is to be honest. Make your profile reflect who you really are. What good does it do to have someone be attracted to some image you create that you can never live up to? Just as in real life, to attract a certain type of person, become the type of person to which that kind of person is attracted. You cannot fake it long-term. Neither can they. Sooner or later the truth comes out.

I did try online dating

Overall, my experience with an online dating site was okay. The thing is, I waited until I was healthy enough for it and I had realistic expectations about it. You will run across a few losers, flakes, and stalkers. Do not ever consider going out with them! People can put on a pretty good show and disguise themselves very well online, so ‘caveat emptor’ – beware.

Never be in a rush to meet someone you met online in person. Never let yourself be pressured into sharing your personal email address, your physical address, or your phone number. Someone pressuring you is a sure sign that they are unhealthy at best, and toxic or dangerous at worst. Have safeguards in place. I will post more about that at a later time. In the meantime, do check out articles about online dating safety if you decide to go that route.

Don’t date selfishly

I did not find the love of my life via online dating, but I did meet a few really nice people. And, I believe I left them all a little better than when I found them. Which, by the way, I believe is an important part of dating. Don’t date selfishly. Be good to the people you go out with. Leave them a little better off than they were before they met you. Whether a date turns into a relationship or not, treat people well.

Speak life to people in every situation in which you find yourself. Be the strong one – the kind one – the good one. That will not happen unless you start with step one and do the work to become an emotionally healthy and strong person.

Step Four:
Be Picky, But Not THAT Picky

I fully agree with some of my favorite authors and counselors – have a short list of ‘must haves’ and a short list of ‘can’t stands’. Treat the important things as important. Decide beforehand that you will not go out with any person who is angry, selfish, arrogant, or abusive – to anyone – ever – for any reason. Character flaws are a deal breaker. You can read more about my thoughts on that here.

On the other hand, I have known people who would not go out with Jesus – because He had a beard. It is okay to go on a date with people who are not your physical ideal. It’s okay to go on a date with someone who is a little different from people to whom you are normally attracted. You may be surprised at how attractive they become as you get to know them.

Going On Dates is a Good Thing

Spending a little quality time with a person is how you get to know them. It is how you decide if they are worth pursuing or not. Do not let anyone look down on you for wanting to go on more dates. If done properly, that can be one of the best parts of being single.

So if you want to go on more (and better) dates get your mind right, be attractive, get in position, and know what you want and don’t want in a date.

How do you get yourself in position for dating? Let us know below.


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