My Love Story
I know – I periodically, predictably mount my virtual soapbox and proceed to pontificate regarding not falling in love too easily and especially regarding not falling in love too soon after a breakup. But, I have to admit, I fell hard shortly after my divorce. Actually, I wish I had fallen in love sooner. It was the best thing that possibly could have happened. I fell in love – with being single!
As with all good love stories, it started with a lingering glance, then a little flirting, then outright seduction. Before long I was hooked. I wanted more. Sure, it wasn’t all wine and roses, violins and chocolates. There were ups and downs. There were times it felt like the honeymoon was over. But, I gave it time and worked it out and the feelings always returned.
I and my singleness rode off into the sunset and lived happily – until I got to know Anita.
Fade to black.
How to Fall In Love
So, how did I do it? How did I go from heartbroken, forty-something divorcee to thriving single man? More importantly, how can you fall in love with being single?
Get to know each other. The old adage says that familiarity breeds contempt. I find this is only true if the other person is a jerk, or you are a jerk. If you both are not jerks, chances are if you spend enough time together you will start to feel attracted to each other.
Have you ever noticed how easily office romances form? That happens for one simple reason – people who spend a lot of time around each other working toward a common goal tend to bond. Plain and simple. You spend a lot of time together, you grow fond of each other.
So, spend a lot of time just being single. I know I harp on this a lot, but it is important. The more time you spend purposely single without any romantic attachments, the more your fondness for singleness grows.
If you spend most of your time as a single thinking about being in a relationship, you fall in love with falling in love. If you spend most of your time as a single enjoying your singleness, you fall in love with it more and more.
Seeing the Best
When you love someone you see the best in them. And, when you see the best in someone you learn to love them.
Learn to see the best in singleness and you may find it quite attractive. It’s the old glass half empty, glass half full thing. It is a matter of perception. You see what you look for. Look for good, find good. Look for bad, find bad.
Singleness has a lot to offer. Singleness grants freedom to do and become whatever you desire. You do not need to check with a spouse before you decide or seek permission before you act. What you become, how you spend your time, how you spend your money, where you live, who you hang out with, what you eat, what music you listen to, and so many other large and small decisions are yours to make as you see fit.
Trust and Faithfulness
Love affairs blossom when built on trust and faithfulness. The rough patches in my love affair with singleness happened when I was not faithful and flirted with thoughts of other loves. The good thing is that after other loves broke my heart, singleness always welcomed me back with graciousness and open arms.
To fully thrive in your singleness, stay faithful and don’t entertain thoughts of other loves until the proper time. Singleness rarely marries. It prefers to just go steady long-term. When you finally become the person you need to be and meet a person you want to spend the rest of your life with, singleness will not stand in your way, get clingy, or act possessive. It will gladly release you to go fall in love with the right person at the right time.
Sometimes it is all in the timing. Sometimes you meet the right person at the right time. For me, singleness came along at just the right time. I was broken and wounded and I needed singleness. After a divorce or the breakup of a long-term relationship, falling in love with anyone else would be a mistake. It would probably end in more heartbreak. Falling in love with singleness will not.
As I said earlier, singleness rarely marries. It prefers going steady for a while. How long? It’s hard to say. People differ. Situations differ. People typically undervalue singleness and underestimate how long they need to go steady with it. It is better to embrace singleness too long rather than not long enough.
Singleness is very healthy and will help you to heal your heart as you recover from the trauma. Singleness is very giving and nurturing and will nurse your heart back to health. But, it takes time. Give it the time it needs.
So, spend some quality time with singleness. Get familiar with it, see the best in it, and be faithful to it. There is a great chance you will fall in love with it. Then, when the timing is right, it will bless you and release you to go on your way.
Singleness rocks. Fall in love with it. Thrive on!
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