Second Virginity? A Second Chance to Get It Right

A Second Virginity? A Second Chance to Get It Right

Lost Virginity

Okay, first, let’s get the bad news out of the way. Second virginity is not the same as virginity. Once you have sex you are no longer a virgin. That ship has sailed. There is no do-over. It is not truthful or accurate to call yourself a virgin. A virgin is by definition someone who has not had sex. Period. Continue reading “Second Virginity? A Second Chance to Get It Right”

One Year of Thrive Singles Blog! – Past, Future, and Present

One Year of Thrive Singles Blog - Past, Present, Future

One Year of Thrive Singles Blog!

Today’s post is different from the posts I’ve written so far. This post marks the one year birthday of Thrive Singles Blog! It also makes about six months of the Thrive Singles Podcast, and about three months of episodes on the Thrive Singles Blog YouTube channel. Today I want to share a little more of my story with you, take a look back over the past year, and share my vision for the future. Continue reading “One Year of Thrive Singles Blog! – Past, Future, and Present”

Online Dating | Things to Consider

Things to Consider About Online Dating

Should You Try Online Dating?

The short answer is … it depends. In last week’s post, I gave you some food for thought and some questions to ask yourself about online dating. Here are more things to ponder. If you do decide to give it a try, there are some things you can do to make it a better and safer experience. Continue reading “Online Dating | Things to Consider”

Online Dating | Should I Try It?

Should I Try Online Dating

Should You Try Online Dating?

The short answer is … well … it depends. Here are a few things to consider and a few questions to ask yourself. Continue reading “Online Dating | Should I Try It?”

Happily Single | How to Thrive While You Are Single

Happily Single | How to Thrive While You Are Single

Happily Single?

Hate being single? Can’t wait to be happily married? Now is the time to be happily single. Yes, it is possible. Here are some ways to get there.

Continue reading “Happily Single | How to Thrive While You Are Single”

Things You Will Never Regret

Things You Will Never Regret

Regret

We all have regrets. A lot of the things we regret stem from relatively minor choices. Things like not double checking our self in the mirror before we go out, not packing extra underwear for a trip, or eating that extra dessert, could lead to regrettable consequences, but they have a low probability of destroying our lives.

Other times, the things we regret can be life-altering, like not flossing, not exercising regularly, smoking, quitting school, getting drunk, using drugs, or marrying that person everybody told us was no good for us.

Having at least a few regrets is unavoidable. Hopefully, your regrets are more like the former and less like the latter. However, that being said, I have found that there are some things in life that you will never regret. Here are a few of them. Continue reading “Things You Will Never Regret”

Moving On | How to Thrive After an Unexpected Breakup

Moving On | How to Thrive After an Unexpected Breakup

The End

Okay. It’s over. You were on the receiving end of the ‘we need to talk/it’s not you/we can still be friends’ speech. This comes as a shock to you. They seem perfectly okay with moving on. Meanwhile, you struggle to eat, work, and even breathe. You may have even been toyed with or cheated on. What you do now, at this point, is critical. How do you move on after an unexpected breakup? Continue reading “Moving On | How to Thrive After an Unexpected Breakup”

Helping = Thriving | Learn to Thrive as a Single, Help Others

Helping Ourselves by Helping Others

One of the best ways to overcome depression, be more confident, and learn to thrive is to reach out and help other people. We volunteer to help others, but in the process, we end up helping ourselves. Continue reading “Helping = Thriving | Learn to Thrive as a Single, Help Others”

Make Your Next Relationship Last

Make Your Next Relationship Last

Relationships

Do you know fellow singles who seem to go through relationships like you go through jeans or shoes? They go through a cycle. First, they get all excited about the new. Then they enjoy the comfort of the familiar. But eventually, they toss out another old worn and tattered relationship and go shopping for a new one. Continue reading “Make Your Next Relationship Last”

Manage Your Expectations | Thrive as a Single Part 2

Manage Your Expectations

Realistic Expectations

Last week in Manage Your Expectations Part 1 I wrote about how we develop our expectations and how to counteract some of the unrealistic expectations we acquire throughout our lives.

This week in Part 2 I want to talk about realistic expectations. Some of these may sound negative, some positive, and some neutral, but such is life. You can expect a mixed bag. Don’t fall into the trap of expecting everything will be wonderful or everything will be awful. In singleness, as in all of life, there will be some of each. Continue reading “Manage Your Expectations | Thrive as a Single Part 2”

Manage Your Expectations | Thrive as a Single Part 1

Manage Your Expectations

Expectations: We All Have Them

We all have expectations about what single life should be, what married life will be, and what life, in general, should be. Some of these are reasonable. Others are unreasonable. Some are good and healthy. Others are slowly suffocating our psyche.

Perhaps the most unreasonable expectation of all is that all our expectations will be reasonable. We all mess up from time to time.

Whose Expectations?

Where do our expectations come from? Are they truly our own, or someone else’s? Continue reading “Manage Your Expectations | Thrive as a Single Part 1”

Why Christian Singles *Should* Thrive

Why It Should Be Easier for Christian Singles to Thrive Than Anyone Else

Christian Beliefs vs ‘Modern’ Thought

It is my absolute conviction that it should be easier for Christian singles to thrive than anyone else. This, of course, flies in the face of current thought. According to ‘modern’ thinking, the only way to be single is to always be dating someone, have sex often, with or without a long-term commitment, and live together instead of marrying. Continue reading “Why Christian Singles *Should* Thrive”

Write Your Own Story | Thrive as a Single

Write Your Own Story | Thrive as a Single

Your Story

Every life tells a story. Maybe a story of adventure or heroism, or perhaps tragedy, or, in lots of cases, mediocrity. The great thing about your story is that you get to write it. You can take a story that seems destined for calamity and give it a plot twist that, in the end, surprises everyone. Continue reading “Write Your Own Story | Thrive as a Single”

Bad Advice For Singles

Bad Advice For Singles

Bad Advice / Good Advice

When I found myself single again at forty, I received a lot of awesome advice. Some of it saved me a lot of heartache. Maybe I’ll write about that some other time. Today, let’s talk about some of worst bad advice people give singles. Continue reading “Bad Advice For Singles”

How Can I Trust Again After My Heart’s Been Broken?

How Can I Trust Again After My Heart's Been Broken?

Trust Again?!?

Can I ever trust again? That was one of my biggest post-divorce questions. After going through such a huge betrayal, is it possible to once again trust someone with the level of trust it takes to make a marriage thrive? Continue reading “How Can I Trust Again After My Heart’s Been Broken?”

Singleness = Freedom

Singleness = Freedom

Freedom

A belated Happy 4th of July to all my fellow Americans!

Thinking about the freedom and liberty we enjoy as citizens of the United States of America also got me ruminating a bit about the advantages and freedoms afforded by the single life. Continue reading “Singleness = Freedom”

Who Can You Trust? | Your Heart? Your Friends? Your Gut?

Who Can You Trust?

Trust: Hard to Gain, Easy to Lose

It is hard to build, easy to lose and harder yet to rebuild – trust. As to the latter, that is too difficult to cover in this brief post. I may try to tackle it in another post on another day. Today I want to talk about who to trust.

After my divorce, I never thought I would be able to trust again. After feeling so betrayed, it seemed impossible to even consider trusting someone of the opposite sex. And yet, without trust, there can never be intimacy.

Therefore, if you desire deep intimacy with another human being, you will need to learn to trust. But, as a single, it sometimes seems like a jungle out there. Who can you trust as a date? Who can you trust for advice? Continue reading “Who Can You Trust? | Your Heart? Your Friends? Your Gut?”

How to Fall in Love … With Being Single!

How to Fall in Love – With Being Single

My Love Story

I know – I periodically, predictably mount my virtual soapbox and proceed to pontificate regarding not falling in love too easily and especially regarding not falling in love too soon after a breakup. But, I have to admit, I fell hard shortly after my divorce. Actually, I wish I had fallen in love sooner. It was the best thing that possibly could have happened. I fell in love – with being single!

Continue reading “How to Fall in Love … With Being Single!”

How to Break Out of a Dating Rut: Change!

How to Break Out of a Dating Rut: Change!

Change! Do Something Different

‘If you do not change direction, you may end up where you are heading.’ -Lao Tzu

Are you stuck in a repeating cycle of dead-end dating? I have a one-word answer to your dilemma – change! Continue reading “How to Break Out of a Dating Rut: Change!”

Just Be Yourself | The Best or Worst Advice For Singles

Just Be Yourself | The Best or Worst Advice You'll Ever Receive

How many times have you been told to just be yourself? That is pretty much standard issue advice from parents or best friends to people going on a job interview or a first date.

It’s great advice if you are well-groomed, well-read, well-mannered, and witty. If you are timid, ill-tempered, unkempt, and socially awkward it is the worst advice you could ever receive. Continue reading “Just Be Yourself | The Best or Worst Advice For Singles”

Change Your Attitude | Thrive as a Single

‘Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you react to it.’
—Charles R. Swindoll

Attitude is Important

Even if you find yourself single again or single a lot longer than you would like, there is one thing that will without a doubt never fail to increase your happiness. It is not marrying mister or miss right. It is not going on more dates. It is not even reducing the length of your single years. The thing that will decide your level of happiness is your attitude. Continue reading “Change Your Attitude | Thrive as a Single”

How To Be Attractive | Confidence, Kindness, and Conversation

How To Be Attractive | Confidence, Kindness, and Conversation

How To Be Attractive

Leading a singles group left me wondering about many things. This one, in particular always puzzled me. To me, it seemed like a big need in an important area. It was something that, as a single man, I worked hard on myself. Yet, for some reason, I never received many questions about it –  how to be attractive. Continue reading “How To Be Attractive | Confidence, Kindness, and Conversation”

Sexual Temptation | As a Christian Single, What Do I Do?

Sexual Temptation As a Single - What Do I Do?

The Siren Song of Our Time

Just like the Siren’s Song in Greek mythology lured sailors to their death, the alluring call of sexual temptation relentlessly entices men and women to their spiritual death.

A Powerful Force

Sexual temptation is one of the biggest things I dealt with when I became single again. As a formerly married man with a healthy sex drive accustomed to regular sex, being single was hard. I have a feeling I am not alone in this. The scriptures, a lifetime of anecdotes, and scientific research back me up here. Continue reading “Sexual Temptation | As a Christian Single, What Do I Do?”

How to Be Attractive | Things You Can and Cannot Change

How to Be Attractive | Things You Can and Cannot Change

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference. -Reinhold Niebuhr

Different People, Different Tastes

What do you find attractive? What does your best friend find attractive? Chances are there are some things that you both find attractive and some things one of you finds attractive the other does not.

No two people have exactly the same tastes in anything. This is especially true about who they find attractive and what they find attractive about them. Sometimes even when people agree that someone is attractive, they will disagree on what exactly it is that makes them attractive. Continue reading “How to Be Attractive | Things You Can and Cannot Change”

Sexual Purity | 3 Thoughts for Singles

Sexual Purity

Purity and chastity seem rare in this permissive, anti-Christian era of brave new morality. But, you are not alone. Some of us still value such things.

THE Topic – SEX

This week I am writing about a topic that I may thus far have subconsciously avoided. It is surprising to me that I haven’t written about it yet because it is a subject that is very important to me, and always on the minds of most single people – sex. Continue reading “Sexual Purity | 3 Thoughts for Singles”

Thrive As a Single | Don’t Be Desperate!

Thrive As a Single | Don't Be Desperate!

Please allow me, as a former, long-term, midlife single person, to give you, as a currently single person, a very important piece of advice – don’t be desperate!

Desperate Is Not Attractive

One of the biggest turnoffs for me, as a single man, was women who came off as desperate. Desperate is not attractive. Desperate says, “I have no game, I have no self-worth, and I have no options.” Instead of saying, “Love me for who I am,” it says, “Love me because I fear no one else will.” Continue reading “Thrive As a Single | Don’t Be Desperate!”

Opposites Attract or Birds of a Feather?

Opposites Attract or Birds of a Feather?

What do people find attractive? Do opposites attract, or do birds of a feather flock together? Are people more attracted to a carbon copy or a polar opposite? Well, it is a little of each. Continue reading “Opposites Attract or Birds of a Feather?”

Better Dates | Part 2 – A Short How To

Better Dates

In Better Dates Part 1 we looked at the importance of knowing why you are dating. In Part 2 we will look at how to have better dates.

Have Proper Expectations

One sure way to not enjoy a date is to build up a bunch of unrealistic expectations. If you are expecting a guy to sweep you off your feet or a girl to swoon when you enter the room, you will end up disappointed. Don’t go into this expecting to find love at first sight or true love on a first date. It doesn’t usually work out that way.

Of course, the flip side of that is not having high enough expectations. Continue reading “Better Dates | Part 2 – A Short How To”

Better Dates | Part 1 – Start With Your Why

Better Dates

How long has it been since you went out on a really enjoyable date? Was your last date a delight or a disaster? Was the last person you went out with a possible mate or a definite mistake? It’s time for better dates.

In a recent post, I wrote about how to go on more dates. So, what if you are going out on more dates, but they are leaving you unfulfilled, bored, uninspired, or weirded out? Or, what if they leave you no closer to finding a lifelong partner than you were a year ago? There are things you can do to date better. Continue reading “Better Dates | Part 1 – Start With Your Why”

Break the Dating Cycle

Break the Dating Cycle

See It For What It Is

It’s a Vicious Cycle

In my life, especially while leading a church singles group, I saw this cycle over and over and over again – it drove me crazy.

Someone would go through DivorceCare with us or start coming to our singles group. Once there, they would begin to heal up and start to learn and grow as a person. Then, despite our teaching, they would meet someone and right away start a dating relationship. They would get way too involved way too fast, disappear from the group, and isolate themselves. Predictably, they would start having issues, their relationship would become dysfunctional, they would break up, and they would end up heartbroken. Then they would more likely than not repeat the cycle again. Continue reading “Break the Dating Cycle”

Balance: a Key to Thriving as a Single

Balance: a Key to Thriving as a Single

Balance

There are few thing in life as important. It is hard to find and easy to lose. Things constantly conspire to throw us off of it. Life dictates that we must at certain times be out of it, but, hopefully, these periods are short-lived and we can once again find it. Balance. Continue reading “Balance: a Key to Thriving as a Single”

Happy Valentine’s Day – You Are Loved

Happy Valentine's Day - You Are Loved

Valentine’s Day? – Not a Fan

Valentine’s Day was one of the hardest days for me as a single person. Not only was I living alone, but had I remained married, it would have been my anniversary. So yeah, it was not my favorite day.

There were very few things people could say to me to make it better. The thing is, it is a day which celebrates romantic love. And even though my life was filled with love, that was the love I intensely craved and the love I did not have. Continue reading “Happy Valentine’s Day – You Are Loved”

The Myth of “THE ONE” – A Mythology of Unicorns, Mermaids, and Special Someones

The Myth of THE ONE – A Mythology of Unicorns and Special Someones

The Myth of “THE ONE”

There is a myth that is largely regarded as a fact by many. It has been circulating widely for millennia, mainly through overly romantic stories. Even before there was an internet its tendrils had already woven their way into the very fabric of society. From children’s fairy tales to big budget movies, it is ubiquitous.

Those who perpetuate this myth do not do so out of any evil intent. In fact, I believe that for the most part, they do so in an effort to bring hope to the heartbroken and the lonely. People talk about it, sing about it, and create all manner of artistic expressions around this seemingly helpful but none-the-less insidious lie – you will be happy when you find “THE ONE”. Continue reading “The Myth of “THE ONE” – A Mythology of Unicorns, Mermaids, and Special Someones”

HALTing Holiday Blues

HALT Holiday Blues

The Holidays Are Upon Us

For many of you, this season brings parties and family get-togethers and is the highlight of your social calendar. But for just as many of you, this season brings social anxiety, disappointments, and the holiday blues. This is especially true for those of you whose singleness was thrust upon you by the decision of someone else or who remain single longer than you anticipated or desired.

This season is so overly romanticized, over-hyped, and brings with it such overblown expectations that some amount of letdown is almost inevitable. However, you can learn to survive, beat the blues, and maybe even enjoy the holidays.

H.A.L.T. Holiday Blues

Continue reading “HALTing Holiday Blues”

How to Go On More Dates

Want to Go On More Dates?

How long has it been since you’ve had a really good date? A bad date? Any date at all? Want to go on more dates? These four things will help.

Step One:
Get Your Mind Right

Continue reading “How to Go On More Dates”

The Unavoidable, Impossible, Necessity of Being Yourself

The Unavoidable, Impossible, Necessity of Being Yourself

Being yourself is unavoidable.

I remember an old saying that went something like – no matter where you go, there you are. People go to great lengths to start fresh. They change jobs, hobbies, neighborhoods, cities, states, countries, spouses, religions, political affiliations, and buy expensive toys. They perm, curl, straighten, extend, bob, color, lighten, darken, redden, highlight, frost, reduce, nip, tuck, lift, paint, pierce, and tattoo. Yet without real change on the inside, they find themselves to be the same collection of attitudes, prejudices, and opinions they were before – just with a different wardrobe and hairstyle. Continue reading “The Unavoidable, Impossible, Necessity of Being Yourself”

Successfully Single Part 3

Successfully Single

In “Successfully Single Part 1” we discussed what it means to be successfully single. In “Successfully Single Part 2” we looked at contentment as a key to successful singleness. In this, the final post in this series, we will look further at how to be successfully single. Continue reading “Successfully Single Part 3”

Successfully Single Part 2

Successfully Single

In “Successfully Single Part 1” we discussed how most people view their singleness and how you can view your singleness to make the most of it. Today we discuss how to get there. Continue reading “Successfully Single Part 2”

Successfully Single Part 1

Successfully Single

In this series of three posts, we will examine what it means to be successfully single, how to tell if you are, and what to do about it if you are not. Continue reading “Successfully Single Part 1”