Dealing with the Pressure to Date

Dealing with the Pressure to Date

Under Pressure

We’ve all heard these questions. So, who are you dating now? Are you dating anyone yet? Why aren’t you dating yet? Are you gay? Continue reading “Dealing with the Pressure to Date”

Red Flags | How to Spot Toxic People

Red Flags | Know the Warning Signs

Red Flags and Rose-Colored Glasses

No matter how skilled someone is at crafting an attractive persona, you can usually find subtle clues to their true character. If you know where to look, you can spot the red flags. So, why do we so often miss them? Why is it so hard to see the warning signs? Continue reading “Red Flags | How to Spot Toxic People”

Online Dating | Things to Consider

Things to Consider About Online Dating

Should You Try Online Dating?

The short answer is … it depends. In last week’s post, I gave you some food for thought and some questions to ask yourself about online dating. Here are more things to ponder. If you do decide to give it a try, there are some things you can do to make it a better and safer experience. Continue reading “Online Dating | Things to Consider”

Online Dating | Should I Try It?

Should I Try Online Dating

Should You Try Online Dating?

The short answer is … well … it depends. Here are a few things to consider and a few questions to ask yourself. Continue reading “Online Dating | Should I Try It?”

Moving On | How to Thrive After an Unexpected Breakup

Moving On | How to Thrive After an Unexpected Breakup

The End

Okay. It’s over. You were on the receiving end of the ‘we need to talk/it’s not you/we can still be friends’ speech. This comes as a shock to you. They seem perfectly okay with moving on. Meanwhile, you struggle to eat, work, and even breathe. You may have even been toyed with or cheated on. What you do now, at this point, is critical. How do you move on after an unexpected breakup? Continue reading “Moving On | How to Thrive After an Unexpected Breakup”

Make Your Next Relationship Last

Make Your Next Relationship Last

Relationships

Do you know fellow singles who seem to go through relationships like you go through jeans or shoes? They go through a cycle. First, they get all excited about the new. Then they enjoy the comfort of the familiar. But eventually, they toss out another old worn and tattered relationship and go shopping for a new one. Continue reading “Make Your Next Relationship Last”

Bad Advice For Singles

Bad Advice For Singles

Bad Advice / Good Advice

When I found myself single again at forty, I received a lot of awesome advice. Some of it saved me a lot of heartache. Maybe I’ll write about that some other time. Today, let’s talk about some of worst bad advice people give singles. Continue reading “Bad Advice For Singles”

Top 10 Ways to Be Unattractive to the Opposite Sex

Top 10 Ways to Be Unattractive to the Opposite Sex

How to Be Unattractive

And here it is – just what you’ve been waiting for – your unscientific, unofficial guide to the top ten ways to be unattractive to the opposite sex. Continue reading “Top 10 Ways to Be Unattractive to the Opposite Sex”

Who Can You Trust? | Your Heart? Your Friends? Your Gut?

Who Can You Trust?

Trust: Hard to Gain, Easy to Lose

It is hard to build, easy to lose and harder yet to rebuild – trust. As to the latter, that is too difficult to cover in this brief post. I may try to tackle it in another post on another day. Today I want to talk about who to trust.

After my divorce, I never thought I would be able to trust again. After feeling so betrayed, it seemed impossible to even consider trusting someone of the opposite sex. And yet, without trust, there can never be intimacy.

Therefore, if you desire deep intimacy with another human being, you will need to learn to trust. But, as a single, it sometimes seems like a jungle out there. Who can you trust as a date? Who can you trust for advice? Continue reading “Who Can You Trust? | Your Heart? Your Friends? Your Gut?”

How to Break Out of a Dating Rut: Change!

How to Break Out of a Dating Rut: Change!

Change! Do Something Different

‘If you do not change direction, you may end up where you are heading.’ -Lao Tzu

Are you stuck in a repeating cycle of dead-end dating? I have a one-word answer to your dilemma – change! Continue reading “How to Break Out of a Dating Rut: Change!”

How to Date Like a Christian Atheist

How to Date Like a Christian Atheist

Christian Atheist?

OK, first things first. What exactly is a Christian Atheist? At first, the term may seem like an oxymoron, but I know you can find many people in your own local congregation to whom the term applies. I know a few myself. In fact, I have been one from time to time and you probably have too. Continue reading “How to Date Like a Christian Atheist”

How To Be Attractive | Confidence, Kindness, and Conversation

How To Be Attractive | Confidence, Kindness, and Conversation

How To Be Attractive

Leading a singles group left me wondering about many things. This one, in particular always puzzled me. To me, it seemed like a big need in an important area. It was something that, as a single man, I worked hard on myself. Yet, for some reason, I never received many questions about it –  how to be attractive. Continue reading “How To Be Attractive | Confidence, Kindness, and Conversation”

Opposites Attract or Birds of a Feather?

Opposites Attract or Birds of a Feather?

What do people find attractive? Do opposites attract, or do birds of a feather flock together? Are people more attracted to a carbon copy or a polar opposite? Well, it is a little of each. Continue reading “Opposites Attract or Birds of a Feather?”

How to Be Attractive | Start With 3 Vital “Who?” Questions

How to Be Attractive | Who Are You Attracted To?

Three “Who?” Questions

Before you begin learning how to be attractive it is helpful to assess where you are and decide where you want to end up. It is good to be attractive in general. It is even better to attract the specific kind of people who make great spouses.

Let’s begin by asking ourselves three vital “Who?” questions. Who are you attracting? Who are you attracted to? And most importantly, who do you want to attract? Continue reading “How to Be Attractive | Start With 3 Vital “Who?” Questions”

Better Dates | Part 2 – A Short How To

Better Dates

In Better Dates Part 1 we looked at the importance of knowing why you are dating. In Part 2 we will look at how to have better dates.

Have Proper Expectations

One sure way to not enjoy a date is to build up a bunch of unrealistic expectations. If you are expecting a guy to sweep you off your feet or a girl to swoon when you enter the room, you will end up disappointed. Don’t go into this expecting to find love at first sight or true love on a first date. It doesn’t usually work out that way.

Of course, the flip side of that is not having high enough expectations. Continue reading “Better Dates | Part 2 – A Short How To”

Better Dates | Part 1 – Start With Your Why

Better Dates

How long has it been since you went out on a really enjoyable date? Was your last date a delight or a disaster? Was the last person you went out with a possible mate or a definite mistake? It’s time for better dates.

In a recent post, I wrote about how to go on more dates. So, what if you are going out on more dates, but they are leaving you unfulfilled, bored, uninspired, or weirded out? Or, what if they leave you no closer to finding a lifelong partner than you were a year ago? There are things you can do to date better. Continue reading “Better Dates | Part 1 – Start With Your Why”

Break the Dating Cycle

Break the Dating Cycle

See It For What It Is

It’s a Vicious Cycle

In my life, especially while leading a church singles group, I saw this cycle over and over and over again – it drove me crazy.

Someone would go through DivorceCare with us or start coming to our singles group. Once there, they would begin to heal up and start to learn and grow as a person. Then, despite our teaching, they would meet someone and right away start a dating relationship. They would get way too involved way too fast, disappear from the group, and isolate themselves. Predictably, they would start having issues, their relationship would become dysfunctional, they would break up, and they would end up heartbroken. Then they would more likely than not repeat the cycle again. Continue reading “Break the Dating Cycle”

Are They Marriage Material? Check Your List

Are They Marriable? Check Your List

Make a List, Actually Two

How do you know if someone is marriage material? How do you know if you should go on a date with them? It depends on what you value – check your list. Continue reading “Are They Marriage Material? Check Your List”

Dating Danger

Dating Danger

While I was single I loved going out on dates. I never felt in danger. As for as I can remember, every date I went out on was very enjoyable.

One of the reasons for that is because I very carefully screened and actually “predated” most of the ladies I asked out. These were women I had been acquainted with and had seen in action at church, in singles groups, or in other social situations. They had good reputations and carried themselves in a confident and kindly manner. I could see that they dealt with people from a position of strength and were emotionally healthy.

But, as a DivorceCare facilitator, as a singles group leader, and as a single man out on dates, I heard many horror stories. Some of them were just embarrassing, some were uncomfortable, but some were downright dangerous. I heard stories ranging from the irritating “he wouldn’t stop trying to hold my hand” type to the darker “I suddenly felt woozy, I think he put something in my drink” variety. Continue reading “Dating Danger”

The Number One Mistake Newly Single Adults Make

The Number One Mistake Singles Make

For a number of years I had the extreme privilege of being involved in, then facilitating a program specifically for those newly single because of a divorce – DivorceCare. As I healed up, I gradually worked my way into facilitating the program because I found it so helpful to me in recovering from my divorce.

I saw a lot of good fruit from those groups, and yet, group after group, year after year a pattern emerged that frustrated me. Men and women would find our group, begin to find a little healing for their battered emotions, and take a few baby steps in the right direction. Then, bam, they would meet someone and disappear. Later on, I would hear, usually second-hand, of them experiencing another heartbreak.

My wife and I also saw this same pattern repeated in the singles group we led. In fact, whether in DivorceCare or the singles group, the number one mistake I saw newly single adults make was jumping into a relationship too soon after being divorced or widowed. Continue reading “The Number One Mistake Newly Single Adults Make”

Dating vs Dating: What Is a Date?

Dating vs Dating: It's Time for Healthy Dating

Definitions

According to Merriam-Webster.com, a date is the oblong edible fruit of a palm. You’re welcome.

Another definition of date is the day, month, or year on which an event happens or happened. But, the kind of date I am writing about today is generally defined as two people meeting together on purpose at a specific place and time, usually because of a common interest, especially a romantic interest.

As a single person, I read several good books about dating. Two of which, at first glance, seem to have very different points of view about dating. I read “I Kissed Dating Goodbye” by Joshua Harris and “Boundaries in Dating” by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend. The former asserts that we should ditch the modern concept of dating in favor of the old concept of courtship. The latter gives advice on how to date in a healthy way as a Christian.

I fall squarely in the corner of Dr. Cloud and Dr. Townsend and highly recommend reading their book. But, I still found “I Kissed Dating Goodbye” helpful for several reasons. Joshua Harris did a good job articulating the problems with modern dating. I agree with him that the way most people date is disastrous. The books actually do not disagree as much as it first appears. The key is in defining dating. Continue reading “Dating vs Dating: What Is a Date?”

How to Go On More Dates

Want to Go On More Dates?

How long has it been since you’ve had a really good date? A bad date? Any date at all? Want to go on more dates? These four things will help.

Step One:
Get Your Mind Right

Continue reading “How to Go On More Dates”

Best Date Ever!

Best date Ever!

Candlelight, Violins, and Champagne

Thinking about the best date ever might conjure up images of candlelight, violins, and sips of champagne. It may bring memories of some carefully orchestrated first date perfectly executed at a time when everything was still new and full of promise. It could bring you back to what you once thought of as your best date ever, but, looking back through the lens of all you have learned, you now see as a source of embarrassment or shame. But perhaps, as mine, your best date ever was the result of a mishap, miscalculation, or simply bad timing that led to a formative, deeply bonding experience. Continue reading “Best Date Ever!”