Better Dates | Part 1 – Start With Your Why

How long has it been since you went out on a really enjoyable date? Was your last date a delight or a disaster? Was the last person you went out with a possible mate or a definite mistake? It’s time for better dates.

In a recent post, I wrote about how to go on more dates. So, what if you are going out on more dates, but they are leaving you unfulfilled, bored, uninspired, or weirded out? Or, what if they leave you no closer to finding a lifelong partner than you were a year ago? There are things you can do to date better.

Why Do You Date?

Let’s start with this. Why do you date? No, seriously, why do you go out on dates? It’s something we kind of take for granted when we are single. But really, why bother? What’s the end game? Before you can get somewhere you need to know where you are going.

Dating With Marriage In Mind

Are you looking for a spouse? If you are, and you live in a part of the world where marriages are not prearranged, I don’t know any better method for finding one. Dating is pretty much the process for selecting and getting to know a potential mate.

If you are dating with marriage in mind, instead of going out with whoever catches your eye, for better dates, start by only dating people who would make a good spouse. There has to be some amount of physical attraction, but being good-looking does not necessarily equal being a good marriage partner. If you keep picking who you date based solely or even mostly on their physical appearance, you will have more than your share of bad dates.

So, what kind of people should you date? See my post about making a list. To sum it up briefly, concentrate on character. Look for a person with the qualities that lead to good relationships. Better decisions about who you go out with will lead to better dates and eventually a better marriage.

 Dating Just For Fun

Are you just looking for an enjoyable evening of good conversation with an interesting person? That is an entirely different and totally legitimate reason to go out.

If you are just dating just to have someone along on your adventures instead of going places alone, you still want to be sure that you are going with someone who is at the very least trustworthy and personable. Being well-groomed and punctual would also be a plus. And, if they are great looking and fun but not marriage material, no big deal. It’s just a date.

And, if it is just a friendly date, you should be upfront about your lack of interest in starting a relationship. Because, in their mind, it may not be just a date.

You should also keep proper physical boundaries, because even in this day of loosening social morals, showing physical affection is generally taken as a sign of interest, especially among the forty-something and fifty-something age group. Don’t lead people on or be ambiguous about your purpose. Your intent is to have fun dates, not break hearts.

Date for the Right Reasons

Whether you are dating with marriage in mind or not, dating is better when done for the right reasons. Date to …

Have Fun

Almost anything is more fun when you have someone with you who you find to be good company.

So, for better dates, choose people who are nice, easy to get along with, and fun to be around. They make better dates and better spouses too – if that is your intention.

Experience Different Kinds of People

Don’t always go out with the same type of people. Broaden your horizons. Date to see how various personality types affect you. You may be surprised whose company you end up enjoying. This is especially important if you have had a string of bad relationships. In that case, it’s definitely time to try something different.

So, for better dates, don’t get stuck in a rut. Go out with various types of people.

Bless Someone

How about if you go on a date to just to bless someone else instead of to see what’s in it for you? You might be surprised how much fun that can be.

For better dates, don’t be so self-centered.

Learn About Yourself

It is interesting and instructive to see how you react to different types of people and different types of experiences. As you experience diverse people and activities, you end up discovering yourself.

So, for better dates, make it a learning experience.

Learn About Others

An important part of going on dates is learning about people – people in general and the person you are out with in particular.

So, for better dates, show a genuine interest in your date. You might learn something about them as well as about yourself.

Why and How

So far we have looked at motives – some of the whys of dating. In Better Dates Part 2, we will look at a few of the hows.


Be sure to read Better Dates Part 2. While you’re here, be sure to hit that subscribe button so you never miss a post. And of course, share this newfound wisdom with other singles you know.

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