How to Be Attractive | Things You Can and Cannot Change

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference. -Reinhold Niebuhr

Different People, Different Tastes

What do you find attractive? What does your best friend find attractive? Chances are there are some things that you both find attractive and some things one of you finds attractive the other does not.

No two people have exactly the same tastes in anything. This is especially true about who they find attractive and what they find attractive about them. Sometimes even when people agree that someone is attractive, they will disagree on what exactly it is that makes them attractive.

Some Things Are (Almost) Universal

There are some things (almost) everyone finds attractive. Almost all women want a husband who is slightly taller than them. Almost all men want a wife who likes sex – a lot. Almost all women want a man who can express his feelings to them. Almost all men want a woman who will not press them to express their feelings – ever.

And of course, (almost) everyone wants someone who is physically fit, mentally sharp, successful, admired by their peers, articulate, good in bed, makes lots of money, has a likable personality, looks good naked, cooks like their mom, and has a great sense of humor.

That’s not too much to ask – is it?

Some Things Are Very Individual

You can please some of the people some of the time, all of the people some of the time, some of the people all of the time, but you can never please all of the people all of the time. -Abraham Lincoln

There is a reason Baskin-Robbins advertises 31 flavors. There is a reason there are thousands of different cheeses, musical genres, models of automobiles, and shoe manufacturers. In fact, I recently came across an article titled 20 Great Shades of White Paint {and some to avoid}. Apparently, people can’t even agree on white paint!

There are over seven billion (7,000,000,000) people on the planet currently and each one has a unique combination of DNA, life experience, and heritage. This leads to billions of different styles, tastes, and preferences.

My point is – there will always be people who find you attractive and people who do not. You will not be equally attractive to a Country Music fan and an Opera fan. You will not be equally attractive to someone who prefers blue eyes and someone who prefers green eyes.

And that’s okay. With over seven billion people in the world, there are enough people out there who prefer someone like you to make it possible for anyone to find a match. This is true no matter how odd your combination of traits. I know, because I am a very weird combination and I managed to attract a mate.

Some Things You Can Change

First the good news – there are lots of things you can change about yourself.

For instance, it is never too late to become better educated. You can always, and should, read books, watch videos, and take courses to better yourself. This can trickle down into other areas. It can help you become smarter, more successful, and a better conversationalist.

And, the easiest and biggest improvement is to change your attitude. You can absolutely be more positive, loving, patient, and kind. Those changes are doable and (most) people find those things very attractive.

Remember, it’s never too late to get in better shape, develop your sense of humor, develop relationship skills, learn to handle money and time better, improve your grooming habits, perfect your personal style, and overall become more likable. As you change your mindset, gain knowledge and put it into practice, a better, more attractive you emerges.

Now, about being taller …

Some Things You Cannot Change

You do have a limited ability to change some things. You could dye and perm your hair, wear a pushup bra and Spanx, wear colored contact lenses and platform shoes. If you have the money you could, I suppose, nip, tuck, lift, Botox, and enhance. But, eventually, time, gravity, and bad lifestyle choices tend to undo even those expensive “improvements”.

Some things are either completely beyond your control or extremely close to being so. Your race, skin color, height, body type, IQ, genetic predispositions, siblings, and parents pretty much are what they are.

Some people get really hung up over those types of things and place a lot of value on inherited traits that are beyond your control. Those are not the kind of people you want to marry. They are shallow and not worthy of your attention. Move on. You can do better.

Some Things You Should Change

As human beings, we all have things we need to work on. If you have weaknesses, you should strive to improve yourself in those areas. If you need to be more productive, punctual, patient, romantic, or practical, by all means, at all times, work to get better in those areas.

The thing is, those are things you need to discover and correct for yourself. Or, maybe you have that most valuable asset, friends who look out for you and lovingly help you identify and rectify your places of weakness. Any change should come from those motivations, not the desire to please some potential suitor.

Some Things You Should Never Change

Some things are a part of who you are. They are fixed and must remain immovable unless it can be proven conclusively they are bad, wrong, or somehow harmful. For instance, your religious beliefs are not the kind of thing you change on a whim or even momentarily compromise to make a good impression on an attractive but unaccepting suitor.

Your views on sexuality, handling money, or raising children are other examples of deeply held convictions. Everyone has core values that they should never change for someone else. Those things you do not change unless they can, as I wrote earlier, be conclusively proven bad, wrong, or somehow harmful.

Be Attractive

So, to be attractive to the right kind of potential spouse, figure out what things you both can and should change. Then, work on changing those things. It pays to always keep improving where you should and can.

As for the things you cannot and should not change, anyone who gets hung up on those things is just not the right one for you. Never let someone judge your worth by their standards. Never waste your time worrying about what you cannot control. Move on.

Understanding what you can and cannot, should and should not change about yourself is a sign of great wisdom. Accepting the things about yourself that you cannot change leads to inner peace. Changing what you can and should change about yourself leads to greater self-confidence – which is something (almost) everyone finds very attractive!

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