3 More Lies Single Christians Believe

More Lies

Last week I wrote about three lies that Christian singles believe. That is an important post. Please go back and read it if you haven’t. But, the more I thought about it, the more I realized that was just the tip of the iceberg.

And, since our actions spring from what we believe, it is important to make sure that what we believe is true. So, here are three more lies you need to stop believing.

Lie: You Have to Get Married to be Happy and Fulfilled

I pointed out last week that these lies can come from family, friends, and society. This one comes from those a lot of times, but I think it is the one we may be most likely to tell ourselves. When you feel lonely and needy it’s easy to think getting married will make it all better.

The Truth:

The truth is in my prolonged second singleness I learned to be happy and fulfilled and so can you. Life is more than marriage. It is learning, building, doing, experiencing, growing, and helping. Life is God, friends, and family. It is discovering your purpose, living it out in this world, and storing up treasures for the next.

To define fulfillment and happiness so narrowly misses the point of the bulk of what life is. I wrote recently in defense of marriage. Marriage done right is a wonderful thing. Marriage is the proper context for sex and child-rearing. But, marriage is not necessary to bring meaning, fulfillment, or happiness to life. You find those things as you live with purpose, love your God, and serve your fellow man. Marriage is optional.

Another truth is that you need to be happy and fulfilled before you ever think about getting married. People who enter into marriage needy, unhappy, and unfulfilled will very likely be just as needy, unhappy, and unfulfilled after they get married as they were before.

As I have stated many times before in several posts, learning to thrive as a single person is its own reward. Plus, it gives you in the best chance for a happy marriage.

Lie: All the Good Ones Are Taken

I wish I had a dollar for every time a single told me all the good ones are taken. I have to ask the obvious question. If all the good ones are taken, why are there so many very nice singles of both sexes telling me all the good ones are taken?

The Truth:

The truth is that for every single person saying all the good ones are taken, there is a single person of the opposite sex saying exactly the same thing. So, if you are asking that question, apparently, either you are not looking in the right places or you need to change your definition of a “good one”.

In fact, I believe you should spend a significant amount of time and effort defining what makes someone a “good one”. For more on that, see my post “Are They Marriage Material? Check Your List“.

You could be too hung up on looks or money. You may be underappreciating some excellent prospects right under your nose because you have some twisted ideas of what a “good one” is. Spend some time thinking about what really matters and what attributes lead to a happy marriage. Then spend time developing those attributes in yourself and look for them in people you might want to go out with.

After you properly define exactly what a “good one” is, put some thought into figuring out where you might meet that type of person. It could be that you’ve been looking for love in all the wrong places and wouldn’t recognize it if you found it.

If you properly define “good one” and look in the right places, you will come to realize that all the good ones are not taken. I promise.

Lie: You Need to Live Together First

The belief that you need to live together first to see if you want to marry someone has proliferated our culture. That belief is one of the dumbest things I have ever encountered.

The Truth:

The truth is that living together first does not decrease your odds of divorce at all. In fact, it increases your odds of divorce, especially early in marriage.

Furthermore, you do not really decrease the amount of pain you suffer if you break up. Yes, you technically avoid a divorce, but the pain is the same whether you divorce or break up after living together a few years. You may have less paperwork, but you will have just as much pain.

Plus, should it really shock you to know that people who don’t enter into a marriage commitment are less committed and more likely to break up, cheat or be cheated on, and abuse or be abused? It seems perfectly logical to me that people who refuse to commit are less committed. Duh.

Truth

This week and last week the subject has been lies. Now let me end with a word about truth, because the most effective weapon for battling lies is truth. The next time you find yourself starting to buy into a lie, remind yourself of the truth, repeatedly, preferably out loud.

  • I do not have to be married to be happy and fulfilled.
  • All the good ones are not taken.
  • Living together before getting married is not great for your marriage.

And going back to last week:

  • Having sex is not necessary to attract a spouse.
  • Being great looking is not necessary to attract a spouse.
  • Having lots of money is not necessary to attract a spouse.

Don’t let believing a lie lead you into doing things you will regret later, ruining your singleness, or messing up your chance for a great marriage.

Live true. Thrive on.

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