Lies, Lies, Lies
I’ve heard them. You’ve heard them. They’ve been perpetuated by friends, family, and society. We’ve, at times, maybe even believed one or more of them. But make no mistake, they are all lies – all of them.
The thing about believing lies is that you act according to your beliefs. If your beliefs are wrong, you do the wrongs things. If you do the wrong things in relationships, you end up unhappy, lonely, or in a dysfunctional relationship.
Here are a few things that a lot of single people believe that just are not true.
Lie: You Have to Put Out
Okay, let’s start with one of the most common lies singles believe. It’s gotten to the point where this almost goes without saying and is now the new normal. It has become a societal expectation. Having sex is assumed to be a part of dating.
And that attitude is prevalent, even among Christians. I corresponded with someone I met on eHarmony who was otherwise a practicing Christian and involved in her church, but she would not budge on her perceived “need” to sexually try someone out before she married them. This shocked me. It also caused me to lose interest.
The truth is there are lots of people out there who believe like you do, that sex is for married people. You just don’t hear about them very often. That point of view gets either ignored or shouted down most of the time. Society at large cannot fathom dating without sex. But, I can and I know a lot of you can.
In fact, I did. I believed this so deeply that I never dated and never would have considered dating someone who thought sex in dating was okay. The woman I am now married to felt the same way. We both went an extended period of time without having sex before we remarried.
It was difficult, but because we were purposeful, we made it through our dating and engagement without indulging our sexual urges. And we have friends with similar stories. We are a minority, but we are here, we are thriving, and our adherence to our convictions is part of what attracted us and our spouses to each other.
Conviction, Attractiveness, and Regrets
In fact, I would say that living out your convictions will make you attractive to the kind of people you actually want to attract and repel the people you don’t need in your life anyway. It’s a double win.
I don’t have any statistics to back this up, but in my life experience, I have never seen not having sex keep anyone from finding a good spouse. In fact, it has probably saved many of us from bad mistakes and from needless heartache. I have never known anyone who regretted not having sex before they got married. But on the other hand, I have seen many people regret doing it.
Lie: You Have to Be Really Good Looking
Another lie singles commonly believe is that dating and finding a spouse is dependent on being blessed with really good looks. I believe I personally disproved that one.
The truth is that some amount of physical attraction is necessary for a marital relationship. But, while physical attraction will get you noticed more easily and quickly, most people are more interested in how they feel when they are around you. If you are engaging, attentive, genuine, humorous, encouraging, thoughtful, kind, and confident, you don’t have to be the best-looking person around to attract attention. Of course, it also helps if you add in good grooming, good personal hygiene, and dressing appropriately for the occasion too.
Plus, the attention you attract will be the right kind of attention from the right kind of people. Very physically attractive people are most attractive to people who place a lot of value on physical appearance. But, good looks and physical attraction alone will not hold a relationship together. If they could, Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie would never have broken up – or Brad Pitt and Jennifer Anniston for that matter.
Love and Looks
There is a lot more to being attractive than simply being blessed with high cheekbones and a thin waist. Yes, you should try to make the most of the looks you do have. You should dress to accentuate your positives and hide your negatives. But, it is just as important or maybe even more important to work at being emotionally, intellectually, and spiritually attractive.
If someone is “in love” with you because of your looks, what happens when someone catches their eye who they find more physically attractive than you? Or, what happens as you get older and things begin to wrinkle and sag? On the other hand, people don’t usually lose their niceness or their kindness as they get older. So, yes, work on being as physically attractive as your genetics will allow. But, work more on the parts of you that gravity won’t alter over time.
Lie: You Have to Have Lots of Money
The third lie I want to tackle is the lie that you need lots of money to be attractive. This one affects men more than women, but in this modern era of two-income households, it can cut both ways.
The truth is that, just like good looks, having lots of money makes you attractive to people whose values are misplaced. In fact, if you have a lot of money, how do you know if someone loves you or just loves the lifestyle your money can provide? I have heard stories of people who purposely kept their wealth a secret until after they had gotten engaged. That way, they knew for sure where their love interest’s priorities were.
Also, like I said about good looks, money can never keep a couple together. If it could, here again, Brad Pitt would still be with Jennifer Anniston or Angelina Jolie. And, like I also said about good looks, I disproved this theory too. I managed to find true love with neither great looks nor great wealth – and so can you.
And More Lies
As I thought about the lies single Christians believe, I thought of lots of other lies besides these three. So, I’ve decided to do a part two of this post next week.
In the meantime, what about you? What lies have you believed? And, how did you overcome those lies?
Let me know in the comments.
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